Ok, so my first early season tri has come and gone and I have served notice to all the gelatinous wannabes that they're gonna need to up their game and drop some lbs. I won my age group! I guess the trip to South America is starting to pay off. The second girl (let's just call her "the loser") came over to congratulate me. I grabbed her bloated little hand and shook it hard. When every muscle fiber is as finely tuned as mine are you're bound to squeeze some goobersmoochers hand a bit hard as they try and suck up to you. You see I realize how important it is for the lesser-abled "athletes" to be be seen with me. They get off on it. Now I know some of you are wondering to yourselves, "Trigal, why didn't you win overall??" What gives? Two words: Training race Mongo. I use these small races to mark my prey and let them feel good about getting off the couch only for me to crush their pathetic asses later on in the season.
You see, I would've won but not only was it not part of my plan I also had a bit of a mechanical that slowed me down. I was on the second loop of the 13 mile bike course when some newbie just crashes into me and knocks me flying into a hedge. Luckily she fell also. She claimed that it was wrong for me to pass her on the right. I said "whatev" and accidentally spilled half my Gatorade on her while I stepped over her to get back on the bike. She said I wasn't nice and I told her that she had "better not start to cry because she looked a little dehydrated". Ok, I didn't really say that but I rode away not believing that this twit had the nerve to mouth off to me when it was clear that she knocked me off the bike!! I had time to make up now. I was blowing everyone away on the bike now!! It must've been the adrenaline kicking in but I've never seen speeds like this before, I thought. I finished the bike (with almost a course record for my age group this year). Now for the run. I only needed to maintain my position to keep my first place so I ran in the zone and didn't let anyone pass me.
As I crossed the finish line I saw my ever faithful Supersoulmate B waiting for me with a dry shirt and my jacket. "You won baby!!" I heard him say as I finished strong, showing the crowd that I had plenty left in the tank. I grabbed my shirt and told him "I'm not finished yet" and I went back to do a little cooldown run and cheer on the slow people. Just as I was finishing up my cooldown I saw the bike crasher coming in. She looked pathetic. Arms flailing, Gatorade all over her face and hair, knees all out of sorts and this ridiculous smile on face. Her friends were all there cheering for her like it was the friggin' special olympics. Anyways, I had to get out of there. I didn't waste my time with getting my award....I had a 50 miler to do after lunch.
Friday, April 4, 2008
Monday, March 24, 2008
Trigal's Back ALLRIGHT!
So here's some info for you losers.
As many of you I disappeared from the scene for a bit. Schooling wannabe and elite triathletes needs to be done on the roads, not on a blog...get a life jackasses. Things have been awesome with me. Supersoulmate B and I are closer than ever and life is exactly what I want it to be...well actually sometimes too much. I'll explain.
You see to be a true elite athlete you have to be like a championship racehorse. By that I mean you need to come from good genes. No, fatty, go back to the couch. Seeing what your parents looked like in your scrapbook before they killed themselves just after your birth won't help. They were fat and lazy and guess what? You're bigger than they were. You see, in my absence I was spending sometime in South America getting myself, well, enhanced! You see I found that while everyone telling me how awesome I am that I needed to push through and rise to the top of my game.
I sought out the services of Dr. F located deep in the mountains just outside a small fishing village near Bogota where he's set up an oasis/training/"therapy" facility. Just getting off the plane and taking the modest little taxi up to his compound I could feel my massive heart pounding within my chest. I was excited to see what the doctor could do for me, although he'd probably try and clone me if given the chance I'm sure. Once I arrived I called Supersoulmate B to tell him how much I loved him. He was so busy working on the apartment that he didn't want to stop painting it to run off on another crazy adventure with me.So, long story short, Dr. F was checking out my genetic makeup to see how I measured up when compared to other world class athletes. He mentioned that I might want to consider some "therapy" as I seemed to have acquired some inferior genes from my father. Of course. It would never be my mother, she was too strong and perfect for him anyways (and I take after her obviously). So sometimes you have to disappear to come back stronger, faster...you know? Oh that's right...you don't.
Well Trigal is back on the scene and my competitive edge is sharper and deadlier than ever. Who wants to play? You're gonna need some help to handle all this.Losers, don't expect me to post at the rate that I did in the past with the Olympics coming up...I'll be training and killing.
As many of you I disappeared from the scene for a bit. Schooling wannabe and elite triathletes needs to be done on the roads, not on a blog...get a life jackasses. Things have been awesome with me. Supersoulmate B and I are closer than ever and life is exactly what I want it to be...well actually sometimes too much. I'll explain.
You see to be a true elite athlete you have to be like a championship racehorse. By that I mean you need to come from good genes. No, fatty, go back to the couch. Seeing what your parents looked like in your scrapbook before they killed themselves just after your birth won't help. They were fat and lazy and guess what? You're bigger than they were. You see, in my absence I was spending sometime in South America getting myself, well, enhanced! You see I found that while everyone telling me how awesome I am that I needed to push through and rise to the top of my game.
I sought out the services of Dr. F located deep in the mountains just outside a small fishing village near Bogota where he's set up an oasis/training/"therapy" facility. Just getting off the plane and taking the modest little taxi up to his compound I could feel my massive heart pounding within my chest. I was excited to see what the doctor could do for me, although he'd probably try and clone me if given the chance I'm sure. Once I arrived I called Supersoulmate B to tell him how much I loved him. He was so busy working on the apartment that he didn't want to stop painting it to run off on another crazy adventure with me.So, long story short, Dr. F was checking out my genetic makeup to see how I measured up when compared to other world class athletes. He mentioned that I might want to consider some "therapy" as I seemed to have acquired some inferior genes from my father. Of course. It would never be my mother, she was too strong and perfect for him anyways (and I take after her obviously). So sometimes you have to disappear to come back stronger, faster...you know? Oh that's right...you don't.
Well Trigal is back on the scene and my competitive edge is sharper and deadlier than ever. Who wants to play? You're gonna need some help to handle all this.Losers, don't expect me to post at the rate that I did in the past with the Olympics coming up...I'll be training and killing.
Saturday, June 9, 2007
Back to the Grindstone
Just because I won my Half Ironman last week is no excuse for me to rest on my laurels. So today I went out for a ride on 9W. 9W can be a grind, but the fun part of riding there is that all the reindeer come out to play - bike teams, cycling clubs, triathletes, recumbent riders, and even a few decent mountain bikers all enjoy the wide shoulders and rolling hills. I like to ride up from Brooklyn as a warm-up (why sit on a train when you can exercise?) so I can really push the big ring once I hit the Jersey pavement.
Today I arrived about 9, just in time to see a few other triathlon "teams" (as if such a concept would really work in an individual sport!) gathering to ride. I gave the TriLife and Terrier Tri fools my best cold stare and took off quick so they'd see that they'd better not mess with me. I knew they were all jealous of my sick bike and awesome new outfit (I decided to show off my new trikini - why save it just for racing?).
On my way home I got passed by a few guys on a bike team going about 25 mph in a "paceline." I don't like getting passed, so I jumped on the back. I stayed in aero to make sure I could exert the least amount of energy possible. We were cruising down 9W - WEEEE! Passing all the bento-box carrying, yellow jersey wearing "roadies." When I had had enough of taking it easy I decided to kick things up a notch and make these guys chase me. I stealthily pulled out from behind without saying a word when the shoulder narrowed. HA! That sure scared them. The guy in front of me called out "Whoah!" I thought roadies were supposed to have good bike handling skills. Staying in aero I powered up to the front and gave the leader my best intimidating stare. I thought I heard him say "Let her go!" to his friends. Usually men can't handle being beaten by a woman, but it seemed like I finally met a few guys who had the egos to admit they were no match for TRIGAL.
Today I arrived about 9, just in time to see a few other triathlon "teams" (as if such a concept would really work in an individual sport!) gathering to ride. I gave the TriLife and Terrier Tri fools my best cold stare and took off quick so they'd see that they'd better not mess with me. I knew they were all jealous of my sick bike and awesome new outfit (I decided to show off my new trikini - why save it just for racing?).
On my way home I got passed by a few guys on a bike team going about 25 mph in a "paceline." I don't like getting passed, so I jumped on the back. I stayed in aero to make sure I could exert the least amount of energy possible. We were cruising down 9W - WEEEE! Passing all the bento-box carrying, yellow jersey wearing "roadies." When I had had enough of taking it easy I decided to kick things up a notch and make these guys chase me. I stealthily pulled out from behind without saying a word when the shoulder narrowed. HA! That sure scared them. The guy in front of me called out "Whoah!" I thought roadies were supposed to have good bike handling skills. Staying in aero I powered up to the front and gave the leader my best intimidating stare. I thought I heard him say "Let her go!" to his friends. Usually men can't handle being beaten by a woman, but it seemed like I finally met a few guys who had the egos to admit they were no match for TRIGAL.
Friday, June 8, 2007
Bad Attitude
Last night as I was doing my typical 3 hour Thursday night ride in the park, I chatted with a local aspiring triathlete and had the opportunity to give her some advice, which I'll share with you now.
This girl, we'll call her Missy, had to leave the park at 8 to have dinner. I tried to convince her to keep riding until sunset, since the more hours you can get on the bike the better, and Missy certainly needs it! (Normally I would be too fast for Missy, but I was on a recovery lap between intervals and she was going hard, so our paces matched). But Missy "had" to leave, because her significant other was expecting to go out to dinner at 8:30. It's our "date-iversary," Missy explained - they'd been seeing each other for 8 months.
Look, it's that kind of attitude that separates the E.V.O.O. from the vinegar. I'm like freshly pressed bright green olive oil - fragrant, high quality, and expensive - because I don't let my romantic life interfere with my training. But Missy, with the mindset of "make time for my relationship" is like old stinky wine. I have found a companion who exists to support ME. Missy will always be an age-grouper if she continues with the talk of "leave the park for dinner because my S.O. is waiting for me."
You gotta live for yourself. Your S.O. certainly isn't going to do it for you!
This girl, we'll call her Missy, had to leave the park at 8 to have dinner. I tried to convince her to keep riding until sunset, since the more hours you can get on the bike the better, and Missy certainly needs it! (Normally I would be too fast for Missy, but I was on a recovery lap between intervals and she was going hard, so our paces matched). But Missy "had" to leave, because her significant other was expecting to go out to dinner at 8:30. It's our "date-iversary," Missy explained - they'd been seeing each other for 8 months.
Look, it's that kind of attitude that separates the E.V.O.O. from the vinegar. I'm like freshly pressed bright green olive oil - fragrant, high quality, and expensive - because I don't let my romantic life interfere with my training. But Missy, with the mindset of "make time for my relationship" is like old stinky wine. I have found a companion who exists to support ME. Missy will always be an age-grouper if she continues with the talk of "leave the park for dinner because my S.O. is waiting for me."
You gotta live for yourself. Your S.O. certainly isn't going to do it for you!
Wednesday, June 6, 2007
Wednesday Warrior
Introducing a new feature here on my blog... The Wednesday Warrior! This award goes to an inspirational athlete, someone we can all admire. Today's award goes to (drum roll please)...
Joey Chestnut! Of California. Mr. Chestnut recently broke the world record held by Nippon phenom Takeru Kobayashi. Kobayashi dominated the IFOCE for years. He was the Lance Armstrong of his field. And yet before he could retire with his winning streak intact, this American upstart comes along and slaughters his record. Way to go Mr. Chestnut!
Stay tuned. Mr. Chestnut and Kobayashi will have a showdown on July 4th at Coney Island. It promises to be the battle of the 21st Century. Too bad Eric "Badlands" Booker has retired from the sport, or this could have been a banner year for the United States.
Congratulations, Mr. Chestnut. You have the stomach of a champion. Intense training and preparation clearly went into your success. Jaw strength and agility like yours come along once in a lifetime. I am sending some zen warrior waves your way. Go USA!
Tuesday, June 5, 2007
First name Mr, middle name 'period', last name T!
Hey suckas! I pity the fool who is a hatah. Mostly, I pity the fool who brings so much negativity into the world (ahem, commentators, cough). Like Mr. T., I'm going to have to teach these suckas a lesson. But since I practice the ways of a zen warrior, I won't teach these fools any lessons with my fists. I will teach them a lesson with my powerful warrior legs.
Well, obviously some people need more fashion lessons. Mr. T delivers.
Hatahs, eat your hearts out WHEN I SCHOOL YOU IN MY NEXT RACE.
Well, obviously some people need more fashion lessons. Mr. T delivers.
Monday, June 4, 2007
The Victorious Warrior
Sunday I competed in a local Half Ironman. Unfortunately due to trouble finding my race wheels, we arrived at the race site only 30 minutes before the race was scheduled to start, so I didn’t have much of a chance to warm-up. This probably cost me the edge I required to win the overall race.
As I was setting up my transition area, my nemesis L. said hello. I noticed her eyes were really red and she was sneazing. “Yeah, I forgot to take my allergy pills this morning,” she explained, offering a convenient excise for why she might not beat me today. This just shows what a numbskull L. is, forgetting an essential part of her morning routine out of nerves on a big race day. Luckily, I was around to offer her my stash of “non-drowsy” pills. I had brought a couple of pills – some Claritin and some Benadryl for after the race in case I got stung by a bee. The Benadryl was just regular formula because after a race I don’t have to worry about falling asleep. I gave her one of the pink pills – I’m really not sure whether it was Benadryl or Claritin because they were in the same baggy.
“I’m sure these are non-drowsy, right? Ha ha ha.” she laughed. “Don’t worry,” I assured her, “I brought non-drowsy pills.” Hey, she had a 50-50 shot at getting non-drowsy! Better than being bleary-eyed the entire race. Anyway, I’m sure the pills helped her, as she got second in our age group.
The swim was crystal clear and placid. At the start I got behind a girl who tried to lose me and I swear even kicked me in the face. So I grabbed her foot, pulled her down, and swam over her in one swift move. That’ll teach her to be a beeyatch again!
Though L. beat me out of the swim (she wore shaded swim goggles so the sun wasn’t in her eyes for sighting – a real problem for me on the way back), but I clobbered her on the bike. As I rode by her I was a good sport and called out “Good job!” L. usually beats me on the bike, so I knew my double secret sandbike training had paid off. I also blew by a ton of men. It’s hysterical when you pass a guy on the bike. Their fragile egos just can’t handle it! So then they blow themselves up trying to keep up with me. One guy was standing up hammering away while we were going downhill!
The only problem that occurred on the bike came at the bottle exchange. I tried to grab a bottle from a volunteer while maintaining an 18 mph pace (something I’ve practiced with Supersoulmate B.) but I dropped it. So I had to ride for 56 miles on just 1 aero bottle of water. Good thing I practice deprivation training so this wasn’t a big deal for me.
Coming into T2 I expertly already had my feet out of my bike shoes while I was still riding and was able to quickly zip into my running flats. Despite some major hip and calf cramps, I held steady on the half marathon run. I am proud to say that no woman in my age group passed me on the run. Clearly the volunteers in this race were a weak spot in the race organization. At mile 4 I was pretty thirsty and grabbed a water that absolutely soured in my mouth. “This water tastes like ASS!” I yelled at the volunteer. What did that guy do to the water? Pee in it? I admit I lost a few valuable seconds scolding the volunteer and educating him on proper management of a water stand.
When I blasted through the finish line and landed in Supersoulmate B’s arms, he was tearing up. “You won! You won!” He kept repeating. I was confused because I saw other women who had raced standing around at the finish wearing mylar blankets and eating bananas. Did they quit? “You won your age group!” he told me. Oh well, better that than nothing – many people would be satisfied with such a victory. It was clear that my intense training and warrior mentally have made me better and have given me the edge. Look out pros! Trigal is coming to get you!!
Upon reflection on this race, I have to say that it's nice when I can vanquish my competition without having to resort to gimmicks and cheats. I won the age group fair and square. The rest of you should do what I do. Looking out for number one and training hard is what works. Being dependant on others on race day is not what a warrior would do.
As Tarvold from Viking Quest would say “VICTORY!!!”
As I was setting up my transition area, my nemesis L. said hello. I noticed her eyes were really red and she was sneazing. “Yeah, I forgot to take my allergy pills this morning,” she explained, offering a convenient excise for why she might not beat me today. This just shows what a numbskull L. is, forgetting an essential part of her morning routine out of nerves on a big race day. Luckily, I was around to offer her my stash of “non-drowsy” pills. I had brought a couple of pills – some Claritin and some Benadryl for after the race in case I got stung by a bee. The Benadryl was just regular formula because after a race I don’t have to worry about falling asleep. I gave her one of the pink pills – I’m really not sure whether it was Benadryl or Claritin because they were in the same baggy.
“I’m sure these are non-drowsy, right? Ha ha ha.” she laughed. “Don’t worry,” I assured her, “I brought non-drowsy pills.” Hey, she had a 50-50 shot at getting non-drowsy! Better than being bleary-eyed the entire race. Anyway, I’m sure the pills helped her, as she got second in our age group.
The swim was crystal clear and placid. At the start I got behind a girl who tried to lose me and I swear even kicked me in the face. So I grabbed her foot, pulled her down, and swam over her in one swift move. That’ll teach her to be a beeyatch again!
Though L. beat me out of the swim (she wore shaded swim goggles so the sun wasn’t in her eyes for sighting – a real problem for me on the way back), but I clobbered her on the bike. As I rode by her I was a good sport and called out “Good job!” L. usually beats me on the bike, so I knew my double secret sandbike training had paid off. I also blew by a ton of men. It’s hysterical when you pass a guy on the bike. Their fragile egos just can’t handle it! So then they blow themselves up trying to keep up with me. One guy was standing up hammering away while we were going downhill!
The only problem that occurred on the bike came at the bottle exchange. I tried to grab a bottle from a volunteer while maintaining an 18 mph pace (something I’ve practiced with Supersoulmate B.) but I dropped it. So I had to ride for 56 miles on just 1 aero bottle of water. Good thing I practice deprivation training so this wasn’t a big deal for me.
Coming into T2 I expertly already had my feet out of my bike shoes while I was still riding and was able to quickly zip into my running flats. Despite some major hip and calf cramps, I held steady on the half marathon run. I am proud to say that no woman in my age group passed me on the run. Clearly the volunteers in this race were a weak spot in the race organization. At mile 4 I was pretty thirsty and grabbed a water that absolutely soured in my mouth. “This water tastes like ASS!” I yelled at the volunteer. What did that guy do to the water? Pee in it? I admit I lost a few valuable seconds scolding the volunteer and educating him on proper management of a water stand.
When I blasted through the finish line and landed in Supersoulmate B’s arms, he was tearing up. “You won! You won!” He kept repeating. I was confused because I saw other women who had raced standing around at the finish wearing mylar blankets and eating bananas. Did they quit? “You won your age group!” he told me. Oh well, better that than nothing – many people would be satisfied with such a victory. It was clear that my intense training and warrior mentally have made me better and have given me the edge. Look out pros! Trigal is coming to get you!!
Upon reflection on this race, I have to say that it's nice when I can vanquish my competition without having to resort to gimmicks and cheats. I won the age group fair and square. The rest of you should do what I do. Looking out for number one and training hard is what works. Being dependant on others on race day is not what a warrior would do.
As Tarvold from Viking Quest would say “VICTORY!!!”
Saturday, June 2, 2007
Secrets of Race Success Revealed
Before a big race I like to devote the entire preceding day to RACE FOCUS. This includes my special "patented" pre-race workout, a massage from Supersoulmate B. after a long hot tub and steam bath, and of course, consuming ideal pre-race foods.
First, for the pre-race workout. The key with exercise the day before a race is to really get the blood pumping into your muscles. I like to begin with a short 30 minute swim. After a 400 warm-up, with each 100 getting gradually faster, I do the following: 5x200 at threshold pace, 10x100 as hard as possible, with 30 seconds rest. This short swim will prime your lats.
To make transition as short as possible, I bring my trainer to the pool locker room and have my bike set up there. Luckily, at my gym there's not a lot of supervision in the locker room - just a bunch of Mexican maids cleaning toilets - so I can do another 45 minutes on the bike right inside the bathroom with no interruptions. I also like the steamy environment created by the locker room - really helps you be ready for anything in terms of heat in a race. On the trainer I ignore a warm-up because I'm already warm from swimming. So I blast right into a series that replicates my swim: 3x10 minutes at threshold pace, with 1 minute rest in between, then 5 x 5 minutes at max, 1 minute rest in between. Now for the run. To take care of my bike so that I can focus on my brick, Supersoulmate B. sneaks into the ladies room (in a trench coat and pumps he can totally pass for a middle aged lady!) to remove the Black Ninja and trainer. (He carries it out through a backdoor we discovered because we're pretty sure the gym manager would find my bathroom behavior to be some kind of liability).
Then I do an 8 mile run, running 6 miles at 5k pace, and an easy 2 mile cool down. Now I'm totally primed for my day. I'll go back to the gym in about an hour to enjoy a hot tub and sauna to really relax my muscles for tomorrow. Oh yeah, and the secret to race success is to really deprive yourself of fluids the day before. That way you're used to dehydration in the race. Good luck to all of you competing against me tomorrow! SUCKAHS!
First, for the pre-race workout. The key with exercise the day before a race is to really get the blood pumping into your muscles. I like to begin with a short 30 minute swim. After a 400 warm-up, with each 100 getting gradually faster, I do the following: 5x200 at threshold pace, 10x100 as hard as possible, with 30 seconds rest. This short swim will prime your lats.
To make transition as short as possible, I bring my trainer to the pool locker room and have my bike set up there. Luckily, at my gym there's not a lot of supervision in the locker room - just a bunch of Mexican maids cleaning toilets - so I can do another 45 minutes on the bike right inside the bathroom with no interruptions. I also like the steamy environment created by the locker room - really helps you be ready for anything in terms of heat in a race. On the trainer I ignore a warm-up because I'm already warm from swimming. So I blast right into a series that replicates my swim: 3x10 minutes at threshold pace, with 1 minute rest in between, then 5 x 5 minutes at max, 1 minute rest in between. Now for the run. To take care of my bike so that I can focus on my brick, Supersoulmate B. sneaks into the ladies room (in a trench coat and pumps he can totally pass for a middle aged lady!) to remove the Black Ninja and trainer. (He carries it out through a backdoor we discovered because we're pretty sure the gym manager would find my bathroom behavior to be some kind of liability).
Then I do an 8 mile run, running 6 miles at 5k pace, and an easy 2 mile cool down. Now I'm totally primed for my day. I'll go back to the gym in about an hour to enjoy a hot tub and sauna to really relax my muscles for tomorrow. Oh yeah, and the secret to race success is to really deprive yourself of fluids the day before. That way you're used to dehydration in the race. Good luck to all of you competing against me tomorrow! SUCKAHS!
Friday, June 1, 2007
Smokin!
After a grueling week of training to prepare for my half ironman on Sunday, I decided I deserved a treat. No, not a slice of cherry cheesecake. But something very girlie. A new outfit! Since I'm not 30 yet, I decided to go for it and get a trikini. Sayonara farmer tan! Hello Hawaiian Tropic! I predict I will cause men to blow themselves up when they try to follow me in my new black racing bikini (black to match my bike!). The briefs really show off my powerful legs. I admit that I came very close to getting the Brazilian briefs, but then I found out that they don't have a chamois and aren't practical for training.
One big problem with triathlons is that a lot of tri outfits aren't flattering to women. Granted, many pros look like men anyway, so it doesn't matter. And the other half of female triathletes are fat or at least have huge dimpled thighs. I've found that trisuits are built to flatter only these two body types. But for those of us with hot femme bods that we want to show off, there aren't a lot of options. Now I'm even more excited for my race on Sunday. I'd better start prepping my race bag!
One big problem with triathlons is that a lot of tri outfits aren't flattering to women. Granted, many pros look like men anyway, so it doesn't matter. And the other half of female triathletes are fat or at least have huge dimpled thighs. I've found that trisuits are built to flatter only these two body types. But for those of us with hot femme bods that we want to show off, there aren't a lot of options. Now I'm even more excited for my race on Sunday. I'd better start prepping my race bag!
Thursday, May 31, 2007
Checking in
I've been so busy training this week I haven't had time to post! Stay tuned! I will fill you in on all the amazing details of my crazy week latah!
Monday, May 28, 2007
Vroom
With a long race coming up this weekend I need to focus on speed training this week. So yesterday I headed to the track to bang out some fast run splits. I left my parachute at home, but brought my sauna suit, even though the temperature was in the 80s. The best way to acclimate to a hot race is to make your training even hotter. Plus, the sauna suit helps you burn more calories, and taking off a few extra pounds before a race is always a good thing - lighter equals faster! I also like to practice exercising with limited amounts of water, because the less water you can carry on the bike, the lighter you'll be! I have trained my body to require only one bottle for a three hour ride.
Some details about my speed intervals. As I'm sure you know, speedwork improves your pace per mile by about 30 seconds. First I warm up for two miles. Then I do 4x500 at my 5k pace. That primes me for a series of 8 fast 200s - all out as hard as I can go. Now it's back to 400s faster than 5k pace. I do 16 of these. I always do a light 200 in between each 400 as a recovery. Finally I end with a mile cooldown. I don't recommend going out and hammering out 5+ miles of speedwork. You have to build up to it. I have worked for years to improve my speed and endurance, and most people don't have the excellent ability to recover quickly that I do.
You've probably already figured out that I'm the fastest person at the track. In fact, I often get asked whether or not I am a professional athlete. "You seem so serious!" strangers tell me. Ha! That's called FOCUS suckas. Most people don't have it. Mental toughness is what this game is all about. And if you think this workout is easy, you should see the inside of my sauna suit when I'm finished.
Some details about my speed intervals. As I'm sure you know, speedwork improves your pace per mile by about 30 seconds. First I warm up for two miles. Then I do 4x500 at my 5k pace. That primes me for a series of 8 fast 200s - all out as hard as I can go. Now it's back to 400s faster than 5k pace. I do 16 of these. I always do a light 200 in between each 400 as a recovery. Finally I end with a mile cooldown. I don't recommend going out and hammering out 5+ miles of speedwork. You have to build up to it. I have worked for years to improve my speed and endurance, and most people don't have the excellent ability to recover quickly that I do.
You've probably already figured out that I'm the fastest person at the track. In fact, I often get asked whether or not I am a professional athlete. "You seem so serious!" strangers tell me. Ha! That's called FOCUS suckas. Most people don't have it. Mental toughness is what this game is all about. And if you think this workout is easy, you should see the inside of my sauna suit when I'm finished.
Saturday, May 26, 2007
Sandyman
Took my Sandbike to Harriman today for a few loops. What a great investment that bike was! After five 14 mile loops (I ran the last loop of course) my legs are going to be primed for my Half Ironman next weekend. Thanks to my Sandbike, it wasn't just an average day in Harriman. It was actually a little difficult for me to get up those hills on my fourth loop. I couldn't stay in my big chain ring as I usually do. Ha! I guess this is was age groupers feel like. (As someone who usually podiums in my races, I can't really consider myself an age grouper).
I even saw some people from my neighborhood out on the course, struggling to get up the hills, of course. As I passed them they asked (between gasping breaths) where my usual beautiful bike the Black Ninja was. I told them the truth - that it was in the shop getting tuned for next weekend's big race. I also told them about my Sandbike (I guess they didn't read that entry on my blog) to explain why I was a little bit slower than usual. I don't want those losers to think that they can normally keep up with me. I mean, this one guy, A., he could almost ride with me on the uphills but I blew him out on the downhills. That's what happens when you have 35 pounds of steel between your legs, baby!
After my 14 mile run I took a cooling dip in Lake Sebago. The lake was officially closed, but I said EFF THAT! and dove in to swim a few miles. Some portly park worker was yelling at me when I emerged, saying she had called the park rangers to arrest me or some bee-ess. I just ignored her and got in my car and drove home. Sometimes you've got to take your warrior mentality to the MAX! And sometimes warriors have to break "the law."
I even saw some people from my neighborhood out on the course, struggling to get up the hills, of course. As I passed them they asked (between gasping breaths) where my usual beautiful bike the Black Ninja was. I told them the truth - that it was in the shop getting tuned for next weekend's big race. I also told them about my Sandbike (I guess they didn't read that entry on my blog) to explain why I was a little bit slower than usual. I don't want those losers to think that they can normally keep up with me. I mean, this one guy, A., he could almost ride with me on the uphills but I blew him out on the downhills. That's what happens when you have 35 pounds of steel between your legs, baby!
After my 14 mile run I took a cooling dip in Lake Sebago. The lake was officially closed, but I said EFF THAT! and dove in to swim a few miles. Some portly park worker was yelling at me when I emerged, saying she had called the park rangers to arrest me or some bee-ess. I just ignored her and got in my car and drove home. Sometimes you've got to take your warrior mentality to the MAX! And sometimes warriors have to break "the law."
Thursday, May 24, 2007
Greener Grass
This morning I saw C. riding in the park. His significant other, who usually trains with him side-by-side, was nowhere to be seen. Unusual, but not an unhappy situation. C.'s S.O., let's call her "Sarah", really hogs everyone's attention. I give her props, because she's a fast runner and trains almost as hard as I do. But come on! We don't need to hear all about YOU all the time. Leave some oxygen in the room for the rest of us. Jeez Louise. Oh, so you got a new couch. Oh, so you went to a "cool, hip" concert (while I was busy training, ahem). Oh you just went on an amazing trip. Yay for you. Oh you have an amazing boyfriend who you train with all the time (except this morning - trouble in paradise?). Goody.
But this morning I had C. all to myself. We talked about training and the conditions of River Road, favorite places to ride, random stuff like that. C. never complained about Sarah, but I could tell he wanted to confide something in me. I could tell that there was a real reason for why Sarah wasn't out by his side training. He did mention something about her getting fitted for a wedding dress or something, but I didn't really catch it. Maybe he said she was out buying new bedding?
The thing I really like about C. is that he can keep up with me. A lot of guys can't. I finally convinced Supersoulmate B. to get a bike last year. That was a disaster! I learned that some people are just meant for the sidelines. Supersoulmate B. says it's good he wasn't born with the "competitive gene"-- as he calls it -- that I have. Otherwise he wouldn't be able to focus on supporting me at races, having ice packs ready when I get home, preparing my favorite pre-race meals while I rest my legs. It's probably true that Sarah doesn't get that from C. They both have to work together when they're tired from a long workout. I know that I can just come home, give Supersoulmate B. my bike and chow down on a nourishing lunch that he's prepared while I'm taking the ice bath he has ready for me. I guess I'm lucky, but it would be nice to have a built-in training partner. (And it would be nice to come home to a washboard stomach, but that's another story!).
But this morning I had C. all to myself. We talked about training and the conditions of River Road, favorite places to ride, random stuff like that. C. never complained about Sarah, but I could tell he wanted to confide something in me. I could tell that there was a real reason for why Sarah wasn't out by his side training. He did mention something about her getting fitted for a wedding dress or something, but I didn't really catch it. Maybe he said she was out buying new bedding?
The thing I really like about C. is that he can keep up with me. A lot of guys can't. I finally convinced Supersoulmate B. to get a bike last year. That was a disaster! I learned that some people are just meant for the sidelines. Supersoulmate B. says it's good he wasn't born with the "competitive gene"-- as he calls it -- that I have. Otherwise he wouldn't be able to focus on supporting me at races, having ice packs ready when I get home, preparing my favorite pre-race meals while I rest my legs. It's probably true that Sarah doesn't get that from C. They both have to work together when they're tired from a long workout. I know that I can just come home, give Supersoulmate B. my bike and chow down on a nourishing lunch that he's prepared while I'm taking the ice bath he has ready for me. I guess I'm lucky, but it would be nice to have a built-in training partner. (And it would be nice to come home to a washboard stomach, but that's another story!).
Wednesday, May 23, 2007
Swim Tips
Triathletes are legendary for being slow swimmers. That's why I'm sharing some of my favorite drills for improving swim speed.
*Count your kicks per 25. Now reduce your kicks by one stroke for each succeeding length.
*Hold your breath. Don't stop holding your breath. Breathing just slows you down.
*Remember, snorkels are legal in most triathlons
*Get two 25 lb. dumbells and bring them to the edge of the pool. Now do 3x20 sets of military presses. Jump in the pool and swim, bitch, swim! This will teach you to push through the pain in your shoulders.
*Go to Home Depot. Get 6 bricks. Put them in an Ikea bag, one of those big yellow or blue shopping bags - the ones that are so big they could hold a house. Now tie the straps of the bag to your legs and swim 400 like your life depends on it. Because it does.
*Count your kicks per 25. Now reduce your kicks by one stroke for each succeeding length.
*Hold your breath. Don't stop holding your breath. Breathing just slows you down.
*Remember, snorkels are legal in most triathlons
*Get two 25 lb. dumbells and bring them to the edge of the pool. Now do 3x20 sets of military presses. Jump in the pool and swim, bitch, swim! This will teach you to push through the pain in your shoulders.
*Go to Home Depot. Get 6 bricks. Put them in an Ikea bag, one of those big yellow or blue shopping bags - the ones that are so big they could hold a house. Now tie the straps of the bag to your legs and swim 400 like your life depends on it. Because it does.
Tuesday, May 22, 2007
Haterade
I have to put up with a lot of grief from other triathletes. Just look at the trolls commenting on this site. Even in "real life" there's always some beeyatch trying to psyche me out at a race. Other women love to play mental games - it's such a bitchy girl thing to do. I've never understood why all women can't just say "Hey, we have GIRL POWER! We're on the same team. Let's be friends." Instead I hear them making catty remarks behind my back -- pure jealousy! I see them staring at me, acting like what I'm wearing isn't cool enough for those fashion plates. They spread some horrible rumors too. Like the other day at the pool, girls were gossiping about me in the showers. I knew it was happening because I heard them whispering about cheating and then they totally stopped talking when I came into the shower room. There's another rumor about me using EPO! Not that anyone would know, since age groupers aren't tested, but come on! How would I even get EPO? I can barely afford all the Advil I have to consume to maintain my training regimen! Thank goodness my friend A. keeps me up to date on what everyone says behind my back. Just try to keep your secrets from me, C-Nuts!
Sunday, May 20, 2007
Karmaman
I traveled south today to participate in a flat, fast tri – my first local tri of the year. Fortunately, yesterday’s storms cleared up and it was a good day for racing. I got to the race with only 20 minutes to spare (effing traffic!) so I had to forsake my usual warm-up and simply briefly warm-up in the water. Man was it cold! Like the kind of cold that sucks the air from your lungs. That’s why pre-swimming was so important. On my warm-up swim I like to throw in a few butterfly strokes to intimidate the competition. Most triathletes don’t even know how to swim breast stroke, and my magnificent fly really scares the freaking carp out of any triathlete who’s the least bit intimidated by open water swimming.
Before the gun goes off I like to find the other fast swimmers and line up right behind them. It’s hard to know who will be a fast swimmer just by sight, and I’ve learned that you don’t always know by talking to people how they’ll do. Funny how other swimmers won’t disclose to you what time they swim 100 repeats on! I have learned to look at the goggles. Fast swimmers often wear Swedes. And they never wear face masks. One secret about me: I don't even wear goggles. They just drag you down.
Seems I found a good strong girl to draft off, but she really tried to shake me, zigging and zagging. I stayed on her toes and came out of the swim fresh but in good time. Running through transition to my rack I tripped and knocked over someone’s bike. Oops. I heard something pop but I picked myself up and kept booking towards my own bike. Eff it. My tire flatted once in transition. That’s karma! Sometimes your tire flats, sometimes you accidentally make someone else’s tire flat. I noticed it was a really nice titanium Lightspeed too – with that aero set-up the owner will be able to make up lost time pretty quickly.
I hammered the bike, which was nice and flat. I stayed in aero the entire time. In races shorter than a Half Ironman I don’t even bring fluids on the bike. I’m just not out there long enough to need nourishment, and anyway, fluids add extra weight. If you are as fast as I am, I suggest you copy this tip. You can always have a cup of water on the run (if you know how to pick it up and drink it without slowing down, like I do).
On the run I barely felt any of that typical “transition” feeling that comes after biking. This is because I work so much in my brick training, my legs are perfectly acclimated to running after biking. I wasn’t sure if I was the lead woman, but I certainly found lots of men to pass. I didn’t even look at my watch. I was flying. All of a sudden though, I noticed I wasn’t near anyone else. I know that there’s no way I could have beaten all of the men. Then I realized I had taken a wrong turn! Another perfect race ruined by a horrible race director and bad signage. I lost several minutes having to backtrack.
The race wasn’t a total disappointment. I came home with hardware. It turned out the owner of the Lightspeed was the girl who won the race last year. She had to drop out because she didn’t know how to fix a flat (so she claimed). I think she was too afraid to finish with a bad time. What a poor sport!
Before the gun goes off I like to find the other fast swimmers and line up right behind them. It’s hard to know who will be a fast swimmer just by sight, and I’ve learned that you don’t always know by talking to people how they’ll do. Funny how other swimmers won’t disclose to you what time they swim 100 repeats on! I have learned to look at the goggles. Fast swimmers often wear Swedes. And they never wear face masks. One secret about me: I don't even wear goggles. They just drag you down.
Seems I found a good strong girl to draft off, but she really tried to shake me, zigging and zagging. I stayed on her toes and came out of the swim fresh but in good time. Running through transition to my rack I tripped and knocked over someone’s bike. Oops. I heard something pop but I picked myself up and kept booking towards my own bike. Eff it. My tire flatted once in transition. That’s karma! Sometimes your tire flats, sometimes you accidentally make someone else’s tire flat. I noticed it was a really nice titanium Lightspeed too – with that aero set-up the owner will be able to make up lost time pretty quickly.
I hammered the bike, which was nice and flat. I stayed in aero the entire time. In races shorter than a Half Ironman I don’t even bring fluids on the bike. I’m just not out there long enough to need nourishment, and anyway, fluids add extra weight. If you are as fast as I am, I suggest you copy this tip. You can always have a cup of water on the run (if you know how to pick it up and drink it without slowing down, like I do).
On the run I barely felt any of that typical “transition” feeling that comes after biking. This is because I work so much in my brick training, my legs are perfectly acclimated to running after biking. I wasn’t sure if I was the lead woman, but I certainly found lots of men to pass. I didn’t even look at my watch. I was flying. All of a sudden though, I noticed I wasn’t near anyone else. I know that there’s no way I could have beaten all of the men. Then I realized I had taken a wrong turn! Another perfect race ruined by a horrible race director and bad signage. I lost several minutes having to backtrack.
The race wasn’t a total disappointment. I came home with hardware. It turned out the owner of the Lightspeed was the girl who won the race last year. She had to drop out because she didn’t know how to fix a flat (so she claimed). I think she was too afraid to finish with a bad time. What a poor sport!
Saturday, May 19, 2007
Race Ready
This weekend I will be competing in one of the first tris of the year. This Oly distance race promises to be cold (as water temps up here in the NE haven't warmed up yet) and possibly stormy, with rain predicted for the weekend. That means good news for me, since I thrive in rain that makes other girls melt like popsicles on hot pavement. I will use the slickness of the roads to go faster. Where other frightened feebs slow down I will charge ahead. My strategy is the same strategy I always employ: GO HARD, GO OFTEN.
To prepare myself mentally tonight I am meditating. I am imagining that I am one with my bike, the Black Ninja. I hold an image of it in my mind like a first love. And I chant to myself "I AM the Black Ninja. I AM the Black Ninja. I AM a winner. I AM a WINNER."
No is just another word for don't.
To prepare myself mentally tonight I am meditating. I am imagining that I am one with my bike, the Black Ninja. I hold an image of it in my mind like a first love. And I chant to myself "I AM the Black Ninja. I AM the Black Ninja. I AM a winner. I AM a WINNER."
No is just another word for don't.
Friday, May 18, 2007
Answering questions
I'm sure some of you are wondering by now why I haven't gone pro. Truth be told, I think about it every day. I sit here and look wistfully at the offers from major sponsors that pour in on what seems to be a daily basis. But I know that by going pro my life will be turned upside down. I make a decent living right now. But going pro means giving up my cushy salary to live on what might be $25,000 in my first year. I'm just not willing to pay that price. Plus, as a pro you spend so much time trying to get sponsors that you have no time leftover after training. Supersoulmate B. has offered to support me so that I can pursue triathlon full time, but my goal has been to never rely on a man for support.
Thursday, May 17, 2007
Fat Cats
How many dogs have you seen lately who can't run? You know the ones with huge bloated bellies, the ones whose "mommies" have to pick them up to get on the couch.
I can almost understand letting your dog get this fat. I mean, dogs beg with those cute little faces and you feel like you are showing your love for them by feeding them table scraps or buying them doggie brownies. But cats suffer from obesity just the same. I guess I shouldn't expect much from people who can't even keep themselves away from that third bowl of Chunky Monkey.
This relates to triathlon because many triathletes take up the sport in an attempt to lose weight. Often this works, but just as much it doesn't work all the way. I see many fat triathletes at races. Even at the Ironman you see them (fat people tend to think that they are good at long and slow). Well, good news tubbytits! I am sharing some of my weight control techniques with you. I am often complemented on my awesome bod, and more importantly, being thin shows up in race results because thin people can scientifically go faster than fat people. We have less stuff to carry!
Here are some great recipes for you to follow. Just be sure not to have seconds!
Breakfast: If I'm training first thing in the morning for 2 hours or less I don't eat. But afterwards I give myself a fabulous Protein shakes reward.
I can almost understand letting your dog get this fat. I mean, dogs beg with those cute little faces and you feel like you are showing your love for them by feeding them table scraps or buying them doggie brownies. But cats suffer from obesity just the same. I guess I shouldn't expect much from people who can't even keep themselves away from that third bowl of Chunky Monkey.
This relates to triathlon because many triathletes take up the sport in an attempt to lose weight. Often this works, but just as much it doesn't work all the way. I see many fat triathletes at races. Even at the Ironman you see them (fat people tend to think that they are good at long and slow). Well, good news tubbytits! I am sharing some of my weight control techniques with you. I am often complemented on my awesome bod, and more importantly, being thin shows up in race results because thin people can scientifically go faster than fat people. We have less stuff to carry!
Here are some great recipes for you to follow. Just be sure not to have seconds!
Breakfast: If I'm training first thing in the morning for 2 hours or less I don't eat. But afterwards I give myself a fabulous Protein shakes reward.
- 2 scoops vanilla protein powder
- 1 tbsp sugar-free instant vanilla pudding
- 1/4 tsp cinnamon
- 1/2 tsp imitation vanilla (or 1/4 tsp extract)
- 1 packet Splenda
- a few dashes butter flavor sprinkles or butter-flavor extract
- 8 oz. water or plain soymilk (use milk only if you are not trying to lose weight. Plain sugarless soymilk has less carbs than lowfat milk)
- 3-5 ice cubes
Add everything to a blender and WHIZ!
Fiber: I always drink a tasty glass of Metamucil before each meal. If this sounds gross to you, you've never tried Metamucil. It tastes like tang and has only 15 calories, yet the fiber punch it packs means that you get full quicker and don't eat as much.
No bananas: triathletes love bananas, but they will put on the pounds faster than Delta Burke at a buffet brunch. High in sugar, low in fiber, sure they digest easily. I keep away from them even during training on principle.
Oatmeal! I eat oatmeal whenever I need an easy meal. Breakfast, lunch, or especially dinner. The Quaker way is the best way. Add one or two egg whites and some Splenda. Just remember: no sugar!
Don't worry, the gas pains will subside after about 3 weeks.
Wednesday, May 16, 2007
New Baby!
Today I acquired a special new tool. It's a used bike - some funky old brand that I imagine some pro using back in the 90s (Nishiki actually). Why would I need a used tri bike when I own the lightest most aero steed around? Because this is going to be my double secret probation training tool. You see, old bikes were heavier, but not heavy enough. I've taken off the seat tube and the stem and I'm going to fill the hollow part of the bike with sand. Then I'll trick it out with some clip ons and a tri-specific seat. HA! By moving the seat forward slightly I will be able to duplicate my tri position exactly. After training on that heavy stallion riding my tri bike (the Black Ninja) will feel like flying. I haven't weighed it because I need to go to the beach to get sand, but I expect it to weigh about 36.5 lbs. Stay tuned!
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