Over the last couple of years I've noticed an epidemic in triathlon: the team. Triathlon is an individual sport. And yet all of these newbies who want "accomplishments" insist on banding together into teams and clubs. They do this because they can't succeed on their own. Alone they are losers (because anyone who doesn't win is automatically a loser). But as a group they think they are more than just a bunch of losers because they have matching jerseys and discounts at the LBS. In my opinion 15 losers are 15 losers who would probably do better under the mentorship of a winner. Occasionally a winner will join one of these teams - probably because of peer pressure, sometimes a winner doesn't want to be the only triathlete in a small community not on the team for fear of snobbishness. That's pure weakness.
Yes, I have been pressured to join my local club. How they would love to have me! But because I am strong I go the course alone. I don't care what those effing losers think of me. And as for jerseys, yes some teams have cute ones and some have ugly ones. That's why I am making my own jersey. For my team of one. But I need a team name. Any suggestions?
Friday, May 11, 2007
Thursday, May 10, 2007
Frenemies
This morning I was doing easy 7:10s around Prospect, just enjoying the moist air that felt as if it would turn to pure liquid at any moment, breezing past the usual cast of characters (the moms out for an early jog without baby, struggling to lose those last 10 lbs, the weird speedwalkers, the guy with the beard) and who passes me but her. L. My nemesis.
"Hey T! Long time no see!" She called, smiling and pretending to sound like we were friends.
"Pleasant day, L." I said curtly in response, making sure that it was clear from my voice that I was not breathing hard.
L. wasn't always my nemesis. There was a time when I was her mentor. I considered us friends. She clearly didn't see it that way. Now that I have that 20/20 hindsight, I realize that she was using me all along. Pretending to be my training partner so that she could steal my secrets. I showed her my favorite hills - hills you never see anyone else doing repeats on. I even taught her my top secret chamois cream formula when her crotch was raw from only 3 hours of riding. And how did she repay me? The way a pimp repays a ho - with a slap and a wad of crack. OK, I made up the part about crack (unless you count the time when her bike shorts were so worn through you could see her ass, but that's another story).
Because of L., I learned my lesson. Thank you L., for teaching me never to trust anyone but myself (and of course, Supersoulmate B.).
But today was my day to teach L. another lesson. One she had obviously forgotten.
As L. ran by me I realized I had a few options. I could accelerate handily now and put her out of her misery. I could continue running my slow, easy pace (not really an option - DUH!). Or I could track her like the lion tracks an innocent woodland creature (only in this scenario, L. isn't exactly innocent, more like a wolf or a boar, but I'm not sure lions eat wolves or pigs).
I let L. get about 40 yards in front of me and then I never let her go, yet I never passed her. You see, we still had a mile until THE HILL. There is only one hill in Prospect, and it will cripple the weak. Finally we came to the hill. It was time to work my magic. So I accelerated, closing the gap by 20 yards, now I was just 10 yards in front of her. Time to strike!
I took a big breathe of air and zoomed past her, making an "Hmph" sound as I went by, as if to say "You didn't really think you'd beat me, did you?" L. tried to keep up. I could tell. But there's no way L. can hold a 6;30 pace going uphill. I never taught her how. As much as I wanted to look back I didn't. That would admit to her that I cared about her. And I don't. Well, I care only about her as much as a lion cares about its next meal. She is my competition, and I thrive on competition.
ROAR!
"Hey T! Long time no see!" She called, smiling and pretending to sound like we were friends.
"Pleasant day, L." I said curtly in response, making sure that it was clear from my voice that I was not breathing hard.
L. wasn't always my nemesis. There was a time when I was her mentor. I considered us friends. She clearly didn't see it that way. Now that I have that 20/20 hindsight, I realize that she was using me all along. Pretending to be my training partner so that she could steal my secrets. I showed her my favorite hills - hills you never see anyone else doing repeats on. I even taught her my top secret chamois cream formula when her crotch was raw from only 3 hours of riding. And how did she repay me? The way a pimp repays a ho - with a slap and a wad of crack. OK, I made up the part about crack (unless you count the time when her bike shorts were so worn through you could see her ass, but that's another story).
Because of L., I learned my lesson. Thank you L., for teaching me never to trust anyone but myself (and of course, Supersoulmate B.).
But today was my day to teach L. another lesson. One she had obviously forgotten.
As L. ran by me I realized I had a few options. I could accelerate handily now and put her out of her misery. I could continue running my slow, easy pace (not really an option - DUH!). Or I could track her like the lion tracks an innocent woodland creature (only in this scenario, L. isn't exactly innocent, more like a wolf or a boar, but I'm not sure lions eat wolves or pigs).
I let L. get about 40 yards in front of me and then I never let her go, yet I never passed her. You see, we still had a mile until THE HILL. There is only one hill in Prospect, and it will cripple the weak. Finally we came to the hill. It was time to work my magic. So I accelerated, closing the gap by 20 yards, now I was just 10 yards in front of her. Time to strike!
I took a big breathe of air and zoomed past her, making an "Hmph" sound as I went by, as if to say "You didn't really think you'd beat me, did you?" L. tried to keep up. I could tell. But there's no way L. can hold a 6;30 pace going uphill. I never taught her how. As much as I wanted to look back I didn't. That would admit to her that I cared about her. And I don't. Well, I care only about her as much as a lion cares about its next meal. She is my competition, and I thrive on competition.
ROAR!
Wednesday, May 9, 2007
Duathlon: When Two is Less than One
A few weeks ago I signed up for a duathlon. I was very resistant to doing it, but Supersoulmate B. convinced me because the race was close to home. See, I don't normally "du" dus. Why do two sports when you can do three? Duathlons are populated by people who refuse to devote time to swim training (some duathletes CAN'T EVEN SWIM!). Sure I'd be a better runner if I could spend half my time run training. But I have a higher calling. Triathlon is a more pure, more complicated sport. Of all three disciplines in a tri, swimming requires more than brute force - it requires technique. That's why I don't like duathlons - being surrounded by so many people who have no form, no technique, just brute force. It's not inspiring.
I only came in second in this particular du. Not surprising since the winner isn't known for her prowess as a triathlete. In a tri I would kick her butt back to Weehawken or wherever she comes from. Plus, as I've noted before, I dropped my sunglasses in transition. And, I didn't taper at all for this race, so I had done one of my typical hard workouts the day before. I bet the "winner" rested on Saturday. Well, we'll see how she stacks up against me when I'm primed and tapered. Even in a duathlon (if I ever lower myself to do one again) she won't come within 5 minutes of me.
See you in the next triathlon.
I only came in second in this particular du. Not surprising since the winner isn't known for her prowess as a triathlete. In a tri I would kick her butt back to Weehawken or wherever she comes from. Plus, as I've noted before, I dropped my sunglasses in transition. And, I didn't taper at all for this race, so I had done one of my typical hard workouts the day before. I bet the "winner" rested on Saturday. Well, we'll see how she stacks up against me when I'm primed and tapered. Even in a duathlon (if I ever lower myself to do one again) she won't come within 5 minutes of me.
See you in the next triathlon.
Tuesday, May 8, 2007
That's what I said, fatty!
Sorry to keep you waiting for today's post. But I've got an effing job to hold down - that with 20 some odd hours of training a week means that I don't have much spare time to post. See, I'm not like you, some fatass surfing the "net" all day while you pretend to work, all the while new dimples form on your thighs. Well go get another bag of chips and I'll tell you about everything I did today - and I guarandamntee you it DIDN'T involve multiplying fat cells.
Tuesdays are for three-a-days. That's right. Start the week out with a bang. That means I swim in the morning, peeling off 3500 yards one 1:15/100 at a time. Then I shower and eat a Cliff Bar when I get to work. As I said, I work hard and don't play computer solitaire all day. This means lots of walking around (in heels,no less) - another chance to burn off any extra calories I might have accidentally inhaled. I do take a lunch break, but not to eat. I hit the weights HARD. If you want a hard body, you've got to do hard time. I do three sets of 8-12 reps twice a week (more in the "off-season"), head to toe.
I do a few moves you won't see other triathletes doing, but I believe these are key to my success. LISTEN UP! That's right, lick that grease off your fingers and try this next time you go to the gym. What makes open water swimming easier? The ability to site. That's why I lift weights with my neck. A strong neck will also help you hold aero position for hours. One good neck exercise involves doing reps using a neck harness. Most posh gyms don't carry these, so you'll have to buy the harness yourself. You attach a weight to it (I've worked up to 50 lbs, but you should start light, maybe 5 lbs.) and simply lift your head, repeat.
Tuesdays are for three-a-days. That's right. Start the week out with a bang. That means I swim in the morning, peeling off 3500 yards one 1:15/100 at a time. Then I shower and eat a Cliff Bar when I get to work. As I said, I work hard and don't play computer solitaire all day. This means lots of walking around (in heels,no less) - another chance to burn off any extra calories I might have accidentally inhaled. I do take a lunch break, but not to eat. I hit the weights HARD. If you want a hard body, you've got to do hard time. I do three sets of 8-12 reps twice a week (more in the "off-season"), head to toe.
I do a few moves you won't see other triathletes doing, but I believe these are key to my success. LISTEN UP! That's right, lick that grease off your fingers and try this next time you go to the gym. What makes open water swimming easier? The ability to site. That's why I lift weights with my neck. A strong neck will also help you hold aero position for hours. One good neck exercise involves doing reps using a neck harness. Most posh gyms don't carry these, so you'll have to buy the harness yourself. You attach a weight to it (I've worked up to 50 lbs, but you should start light, maybe 5 lbs.) and simply lift your head, repeat.
I was going to fill you in on more details of my day, but it's time for my Tuesday night ride. Just 30 miles - I'll be back in time for my Supersoulmate's Super Special Turkey Meatloaf dinner. (More on the evils of red meat another time.)
Monday, May 7, 2007
Rest Day
Every few weeks I allow myself a rest day to let my muscles rebuild themselves after all the damage I inflict on them. It's not that I'm lazy! This method is recommended by all the best coaches. Many people with less natural ability than I have take a rest day--or even two-- every week. I've found that I don't need to, but as I've noted before, I am genetically gifted.
I do have to admit that I find it hard to rest. What do I do with myself when I get home from work? I have all of this extra time on a rest day that would normally be taken up with running or biking or swimming! My legs feel restless if I sit and watch TV. I try to tidy up my apartment, but since I am pretty neat anyway, there's not much to do. I feel my body turning to blubber if I stay in one place for too long. You'd think after all the years I've been doing triathlon that I would have solved the dilemma of the rest day, but alas! I have not. I guess I'm such a juggernaut, it's hard for me even to stop myself.
I do have to admit that I find it hard to rest. What do I do with myself when I get home from work? I have all of this extra time on a rest day that would normally be taken up with running or biking or swimming! My legs feel restless if I sit and watch TV. I try to tidy up my apartment, but since I am pretty neat anyway, there's not much to do. I feel my body turning to blubber if I stay in one place for too long. You'd think after all the years I've been doing triathlon that I would have solved the dilemma of the rest day, but alas! I have not. I guess I'm such a juggernaut, it's hard for me even to stop myself.
Sunday, May 6, 2007
Tough Enough?
This morning my Supersoulmate, B., woke me up with a cup of herb tea. "Here you go, Superlady" -- his nickname for me because he thinks I'm so amazing with all of my athletic endeavors -- "time to wake up!" He knew I'd have a hard time getting up today because I worked so hard in my training yesterday. Isn't he the sweetest? But when I looked at the clock- 8:30! - I realized I'd have no time for Blackberry Mist tea. Today it was time for my triple double brick. An aquathlon of sorts. I would run 7 miles to the beach, swim for an hour, then run home. This was made especially challenging because it was pretty windy this morning and chillier than I had expected. But never mind that - warriors don't get cold!
Threw on my running shoes without socks so that I can develop strong calluses on my feet and save precious seconds in transition. Grabbed my wetsuit and a few gels, and I was out the door. I figured running with my wetsuit would be good practice if I do this race in the fall called S.O.S. in which you swim in all these cold lakes but don't have a transition area between swim and run. After a few miles of awkwardly holding my wetsuit in my right hand I tossed it around my neck like a stole and ran much easier. When I arrived at the beach (in less than an hour, natch) I was nicely warmed up for the cold water.
A lot of people are afraid to swim in the ocean when it's cold. Effing wimps! Even with a wetsuit, lots of people won't swim until June, when water temps reach the upper 50s. Right now the temp is somewhere around 53. Pretty cold, but good training for a big race I'm competing in soon that is famous for its cold water swim. What I hadn't counted on was that the wind made a lot of big waves and chop. Rather than look on this as a negative, I decided to view the choppy water as a blessing. Swimming in a washing machine will be good training. Was I ever right. I concentrated on taking nice long, slow strokes and ducking under big waves when they threatened to suffocate me. My hands and feet felt numb after 20 minutes or so, and I had an ice cream headache for a while. But after about 45 minutes the numbness in my hands didn't bother me and I ended up swimming a few miles. Yeah baby!
When I got out my hands and feet were purple. This made putting on my running shoes difficult, so I decided to run a few miles barefoot in my wetsuit - this was great training for the NYC tri, which happens in July. I clocked sub-8 minute miles while wearing my wetsuit. The one great thing about running with numb feet is that all the gravel and junk on the sidewalk don't bother you at all! I just plowed right over so much garbage without feeling a thing. Barefoot running is also really good for strengthening your feet and practicing your running form. After a while I got tired of holding my shoes and finished my run like a normal person.
When I got home, Supersoulmate B. had prepared a healthy post-training breakfast: steelcut oatmeal made with 3 raw eggs (for extra protein) and 6 ounces of acai juice. And of course, a steaming hot cup of Blackberry Mist tea.
Threw on my running shoes without socks so that I can develop strong calluses on my feet and save precious seconds in transition. Grabbed my wetsuit and a few gels, and I was out the door. I figured running with my wetsuit would be good practice if I do this race in the fall called S.O.S. in which you swim in all these cold lakes but don't have a transition area between swim and run. After a few miles of awkwardly holding my wetsuit in my right hand I tossed it around my neck like a stole and ran much easier. When I arrived at the beach (in less than an hour, natch) I was nicely warmed up for the cold water.
A lot of people are afraid to swim in the ocean when it's cold. Effing wimps! Even with a wetsuit, lots of people won't swim until June, when water temps reach the upper 50s. Right now the temp is somewhere around 53. Pretty cold, but good training for a big race I'm competing in soon that is famous for its cold water swim. What I hadn't counted on was that the wind made a lot of big waves and chop. Rather than look on this as a negative, I decided to view the choppy water as a blessing. Swimming in a washing machine will be good training. Was I ever right. I concentrated on taking nice long, slow strokes and ducking under big waves when they threatened to suffocate me. My hands and feet felt numb after 20 minutes or so, and I had an ice cream headache for a while. But after about 45 minutes the numbness in my hands didn't bother me and I ended up swimming a few miles. Yeah baby!
When I got out my hands and feet were purple. This made putting on my running shoes difficult, so I decided to run a few miles barefoot in my wetsuit - this was great training for the NYC tri, which happens in July. I clocked sub-8 minute miles while wearing my wetsuit. The one great thing about running with numb feet is that all the gravel and junk on the sidewalk don't bother you at all! I just plowed right over so much garbage without feeling a thing. Barefoot running is also really good for strengthening your feet and practicing your running form. After a while I got tired of holding my shoes and finished my run like a normal person.
When I got home, Supersoulmate B. had prepared a healthy post-training breakfast: steelcut oatmeal made with 3 raw eggs (for extra protein) and 6 ounces of acai juice. And of course, a steaming hot cup of Blackberry Mist tea.
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