Sandyman

Took my Sandbike to Harriman today for a few loops. What a great investment that bike was! After five 14 mile loops (I ran the last loop of course) my legs are going to be primed for my Half Ironman next weekend. Thanks to my Sandbike, it wasn't just an average day in Harriman. It was actually a little difficult for me to get up those hills on my fourth loop. I couldn't stay in my big chain ring as I usually do. Ha! I guess this is was age groupers feel like. (As someone who usually podiums in my races, I can't really consider myself an age grouper).

I even saw some people from my neighborhood out on the course, struggling to get up the hills, of course. As I passed them they asked (between gasping breaths) where my usual beautiful bike the Black Ninja was. I told them the truth - that it was in the shop getting tuned for next weekend's big race. I also told them about my Sandbike (I guess they didn't read that entry on my blog) to explain why I was a little bit slower than usual. I don't want those losers to think that they can normally keep up with me. I mean, this one guy, A., he could almost ride with me on the uphills but I blew him out on the downhills. That's what happens when you have 35 pounds of steel between your legs, baby!

After my 14 mile run I took a cooling dip in Lake Sebago. The lake was officially closed, but I said EFF THAT! and dove in to swim a few miles. Some portly park worker was yelling at me when I emerged, saying she had called the park rangers to arrest me or some bee-ess. I just ignored her and got in my car and drove home. Sometimes you've got to take your warrior mentality to the MAX! And sometimes warriors have to break "the law."

Greener Grass

This morning I saw C. riding in the park. His significant other, who usually trains with him side-by-side, was nowhere to be seen. Unusual, but not an unhappy situation. C.'s S.O., let's call her "Sarah", really hogs everyone's attention. I give her props, because she's a fast runner and trains almost as hard as I do. But come on! We don't need to hear all about YOU all the time. Leave some oxygen in the room for the rest of us. Jeez Louise. Oh, so you got a new couch. Oh, so you went to a "cool, hip" concert (while I was busy training, ahem). Oh you just went on an amazing trip. Yay for you. Oh you have an amazing boyfriend who you train with all the time (except this morning - trouble in paradise?). Goody.

But this morning I had C. all to myself. We talked about training and the conditions of River Road, favorite places to ride, random stuff like that. C. never complained about Sarah, but I could tell he wanted to confide something in me. I could tell that there was a real reason for why Sarah wasn't out by his side training. He did mention something about her getting fitted for a wedding dress or something, but I didn't really catch it. Maybe he said she was out buying new bedding?

The thing I really like about C. is that he can keep up with me. A lot of guys can't. I finally convinced Supersoulmate B. to get a bike last year. That was a disaster! I learned that some people are just meant for the sidelines. Supersoulmate B. says it's good he wasn't born with the "competitive gene"-- as he calls it -- that I have. Otherwise he wouldn't be able to focus on supporting me at races, having ice packs ready when I get home, preparing my favorite pre-race meals while I rest my legs. It's probably true that Sarah doesn't get that from C. They both have to work together when they're tired from a long workout. I know that I can just come home, give Supersoulmate B. my bike and chow down on a nourishing lunch that he's prepared while I'm taking the ice bath he has ready for me. I guess I'm lucky, but it would be nice to have a built-in training partner. (And it would be nice to come home to a washboard stomach, but that's another story!).

Swim Tips

Triathletes are legendary for being slow swimmers. That's why I'm sharing some of my favorite drills for improving swim speed.

*Count your kicks per 25. Now reduce your kicks by one stroke for each succeeding length.
*Hold your breath. Don't stop holding your breath. Breathing just slows you down.
*Remember, snorkels are legal in most triathlons
*Get two 25 lb. dumbells and bring them to the edge of the pool. Now do 3x20 sets of military presses. Jump in the pool and swim, bitch, swim! This will teach you to push through the pain in your shoulders.
*Go to Home Depot. Get 6 bricks. Put them in an Ikea bag, one of those big yellow or blue shopping bags - the ones that are so big they could hold a house. Now tie the straps of the bag to your legs and swim 400 like your life depends on it. Because it does.

Haterade

I have to put up with a lot of grief from other triathletes. Just look at the trolls commenting on this site. Even in "real life" there's always some beeyatch trying to psyche me out at a race. Other women love to play mental games - it's such a bitchy girl thing to do. I've never understood why all women can't just say "Hey, we have GIRL POWER! We're on the same team. Let's be friends." Instead I hear them making catty remarks behind my back -- pure jealousy! I see them staring at me, acting like what I'm wearing isn't cool enough for those fashion plates. They spread some horrible rumors too. Like the other day at the pool, girls were gossiping about me in the showers. I knew it was happening because I heard them whispering about cheating and then they totally stopped talking when I came into the shower room. There's another rumor about me using EPO! Not that anyone would know, since age groupers aren't tested, but come on! How would I even get EPO? I can barely afford all the Advil I have to consume to maintain my training regimen! Thank goodness my friend A. keeps me up to date on what everyone says behind my back. Just try to keep your secrets from me, C-Nuts!

Karmaman

I traveled south today to participate in a flat, fast tri – my first local tri of the year. Fortunately, yesterday’s storms cleared up and it was a good day for racing. I got to the race with only 20 minutes to spare (effing traffic!) so I had to forsake my usual warm-up and simply briefly warm-up in the water. Man was it cold! Like the kind of cold that sucks the air from your lungs. That’s why pre-swimming was so important. On my warm-up swim I like to throw in a few butterfly strokes to intimidate the competition. Most triathletes don’t even know how to swim breast stroke, and my magnificent fly really scares the freaking carp out of any triathlete who’s the least bit intimidated by open water swimming.

Before the gun goes off I like to find the other fast swimmers and line up right behind them. It’s hard to know who will be a fast swimmer just by sight, and I’ve learned that you don’t always know by talking to people how they’ll do. Funny how other swimmers won’t disclose to you what time they swim 100 repeats on! I have learned to look at the goggles. Fast swimmers often wear Swedes. And they never wear face masks. One secret about me: I don't even wear goggles. They just drag you down.

Seems I found a good strong girl to draft off, but she really tried to shake me, zigging and zagging. I stayed on her toes and came out of the swim fresh but in good time. Running through transition to my rack I tripped and knocked over someone’s bike. Oops. I heard something pop but I picked myself up and kept booking towards my own bike. Eff it. My tire flatted once in transition. That’s karma! Sometimes your tire flats, sometimes you accidentally make someone else’s tire flat. I noticed it was a really nice titanium Lightspeed too – with that aero set-up the owner will be able to make up lost time pretty quickly.

I hammered the bike, which was nice and flat. I stayed in aero the entire time. In races shorter than a Half Ironman I don’t even bring fluids on the bike. I’m just not out there long enough to need nourishment, and anyway, fluids add extra weight. If you are as fast as I am, I suggest you copy this tip. You can always have a cup of water on the run (if you know how to pick it up and drink it without slowing down, like I do).

On the run I barely felt any of that typical “transition” feeling that comes after biking. This is because I work so much in my brick training, my legs are perfectly acclimated to running after biking. I wasn’t sure if I was the lead woman, but I certainly found lots of men to pass. I didn’t even look at my watch. I was flying. All of a sudden though, I noticed I wasn’t near anyone else. I know that there’s no way I could have beaten all of the men. Then I realized I had taken a wrong turn! Another perfect race ruined by a horrible race director and bad signage. I lost several minutes having to backtrack.

The race wasn’t a total disappointment. I came home with hardware. It turned out the owner of the Lightspeed was the girl who won the race last year. She had to drop out because she didn’t know how to fix a flat (so she claimed). I think she was too afraid to finish with a bad time. What a poor sport!