Every Dog Has His Day

Ok, so my first early season tri has come and gone and I have served notice to all the gelatinous wannabes that they're gonna need to up their game and drop some lbs. I won my age group! I guess the trip to South America is starting to pay off. The second girl (let's just call her "the loser") came over to congratulate me. I grabbed her bloated little hand and shook it hard. When every muscle fiber is as finely tuned as mine are you're bound to squeeze some goobersmoochers hand a bit hard as they try and suck up to you. You see I realize how important it is for the lesser-abled "athletes" to be be seen with me. They get off on it. Now I know some of you are wondering to yourselves, "Trigal, why didn't you win overall??" What gives? Two words: Training race Mongo. I use these small races to mark my prey and let them feel good about getting off the couch only for me to crush their pathetic asses later on in the season.

You see, I would've won but not only was it not part of my plan I also had a bit of a mechanical that slowed me down. I was on the second loop of the 13 mile bike course when some newbie just crashes into me and knocks me flying into a hedge. Luckily she fell also. She claimed that it was wrong for me to pass her on the right. I said "whatev" and accidentally spilled half my Gatorade on her while I stepped over her to get back on the bike. She said I wasn't nice and I told her that she had "better not start to cry because she looked a little dehydrated". Ok, I didn't really say that but I rode away not believing that this twit had the nerve to mouth off to me when it was clear that she knocked me off the bike!! I had time to make up now. I was blowing everyone away on the bike now!! It must've been the adrenaline kicking in but I've never seen speeds like this before, I thought. I finished the bike (with almost a course record for my age group this year). Now for the run. I only needed to maintain my position to keep my first place so I ran in the zone and didn't let anyone pass me.

As I crossed the finish line I saw my ever faithful Supersoulmate B waiting for me with a dry shirt and my jacket. "You won baby!!" I heard him say as I finished strong, showing the crowd that I had plenty left in the tank. I grabbed my shirt and told him "I'm not finished yet" and I went back to do a little cooldown run and cheer on the slow people. Just as I was finishing up my cooldown I saw the bike crasher coming in. She looked pathetic. Arms flailing, Gatorade all over her face and hair, knees all out of sorts and this ridiculous smile on face. Her friends were all there cheering for her like it was the friggin' special olympics. Anyways, I had to get out of there. I didn't waste my time with getting my award....I had a 50 miler to do after lunch.